THE CALL OF NATURE
Here’s how you answer the call of nature when you’re a mother of 2 :
1. Check that 3 year old is in TV room. ( more or less 10 metres from bathroom door )
2. Put baby in carseat with dummy in mouth.
3. Take baby in carseat into bathroom. Close door.
4. Place baby in carseat close to right foot.
5. Sit down.
6. Hold magazine with left hand.
7. Keep replacing dummy in mouth of increasingly niggly baby. Start rocking carseat with right foot.
8. Try to concentrate on the job at hand.
9. Listen out for 3 year old footsteps. And he found me in 10….9…..8…….
10. Brace self for opening of door . Immediately yell : ” I’m on the loo!! Close the door!!! “. ( don’t swear . It’s hard not to, but just don’t. )
11. Too late. Door is open. Nanny has caught up with 3 year old. And has caught you with pants around ankles reading with left hand and replacing dummy with right hand while rocking car seat with right foot.
12. Nature ? Forget it. Maybe next time. And don’t have 2 cups of filter coffee in a row.