OFF WITH THE BROEKS
I had my 6 week post baby checkup with Mr ” Off – with- the -broeks ” gynae today. I have yet to find a way to deal with him without him knowing that I know that HE knows that I know that HE knows that there is no way the whole situation can ever be described as dignified. Can’t be, won’t be, impossible to ever be anything but awkward.
I wasn’t particularly thinking about what a 6 week check-up would entail . ( and I had clearly forgotten what it was like after farmerboys’ birth .) My mind was on the dentist appointment I had first thing before seeing Mr Broeks. Pain was what I was thinking about. Not “how to make polite conversation while your cervix is checked.”
So when he said ” just take off the broeks” and politely closed the door, I was confused. Do I keep my longish top on and strip the bottom half? Keep on the Ouma panties I’m still wearing post pregnancy and just take off the black leggings? Take off everything and search for a cover up?
Eventually I realized that I’d better hurry up before he came back and caught me standing around like a ( naked ) deer caught in headlights. And luckily I spotted the green dressing gown hanging on a hook by the door.
So I compromised. Longish top stayed on. All the rest came off. Green dressing gown came on but might as well have stayed off for all the good it did because it was about 3 sizes too small….
“Off-the-broeks” didn’t miss a beat when he came in and I was pronounced “well healed”. Well, good.
Thank you and goodbye and have a nice Christmas. For the next 5 years as far as I’m concerned. ( yes, I know the poor man has seen it all before etc etc etc. It still doesn’t change anything. )
A quick story on ( sort of ) the same topic:
My mom had the habit of putting baby powder/talc everywhere ( including you know where) after her bath. On the morning of my youngest sister’s wedding she spotted some powder on the bathroom shelf and applied liberally. Only to discover that said powder was actually glitter body powder from The Body Shop I had bought to show off my tanned shoulders…
One happy and super festive Mother-Of-The- Bride.