CONFESSIONS OF A NON-HOUSEWIFE
There was a snail in the kitchen. Sort of high up on the wall near one of the windows. I noticed it around Thursday. I think. And sort of subconsciously thought that it looked quite outdoorsy up there and that it’ll be good for eating little insects so one should just leave it for the sake of the cycles of nature and all that.
Apparently I was wrong. It should have been removed immediately because snails can contaminate food with their eggs ( ?) and then these eggs will find their merry way into human intestines and cause grave illness.
And did you know that one is supposed to regularly clean the area behind the bed where your head touches the wall when you sleep? Because your head over the course of weeks causes round grease marks?
Must say it never occurred to me.
Or that spider webs (ok, one measly spiderweb ) should be sweeped clean away from a corner the moment you see it? ( refer back to the little insect theory above)
Or that digging butter out of the container using a vertical scooping-ice-cream motion is wrong? Firstly butter should be in a special butter dish and secondly the way to get a hold of it is with a butter knife used in civilized horizontal motion. Now you know.
Don’t get me wrong. My house is clean. It is artfully decorated. Eclectic.
No one goes hungry. Everybody gets fed regularly. Sometimes my son gets crackers and cheese for supper. But NOT as a general rule. He also gets 2 minute noodles, fish fingers or chicken fingers. Toast and scrambled egg. Mince. Grapes. Apples. Joghurt. Milk and cookies. He’s as healthy as can be with good teeth. The dentist said so just the other day.
But matters of the home tend to go past me.
I don’t read recipe books. Or take them to bed. Heaven forbid.
I’m not interested in the latest steam cooker. Or any other household gadget for that matter.
In my single days I vacuumed my apartment once every 3 weeks or so. When I could borrow a vacuum cleaner. I sprinkled baby powder on my sheets instead of forever washing them. And bought new underwear when there were no clean ones left. And cut the bottom off long t-shirts to make shorter t-shirts without putting in a hem. You just kind of s-t-r-e-t-ch the newly cut-off hem so that it curls and voila! you have a new look. ( still do this one every now and then. )
My sister-in-law gave me an apron “for when you bake” 2 years ago. It is still hanging from the same hook I disgustedly banned it to 2 years ago.
I do not bake, ok?
And I don’t walk around the farmhouse checking for snails or spider webs in corners.
I don’t bleach the dish cloths.
I don’t have a list of “things one should do in a house once a week/ month/year” in my head.
I have rotting apples in one of my fridge drawers as we speak.
Mould isn’t necessarily bad, is it? Isn’t it used in antibiotics?