HOW TO SET YOUR MICROWAVE ON FIRE
1. Get 4-year-old in bath.
2. Answer questions about why we need soap, why soap makes bubbles, why soap goes on a sponge, why we can’t eat soap, why soap comes in different colours, why we don’t brush our teeth with soap, why soap shouldn’t be left in water for too long, why we have to buy soap in a shop, who makes soap, why they make soap, why soap a/b/c through to z.
3. Get 4-year-old out of bath. Threaten or bribe as necessary.
4. Get 4-year-old dry and dressed. Threaten or bribe as necessary.
5. Settle 4-year-old in front of Disney TV.
6. Put dry noodles in microwave container.
7. Check on 4-year-old. No, he’s not painting the furniture/ throwing the livingroom cushions at his sister’s head/ jumping on the coach. Open kitchen door for barking dog.
8. Place noodles in microwave. Do not add water.
9. Set on HIGH for 4 minutes.
10. Press Start.