….let there be shopping….

GOODBYE MR GREY. It’s not me. It’s you.

I’m on page 195 of “Fifty Shades Of Grey”. ( yes. I’m behind that way.)

I’ve sensed a vague irritation ” inside the deepest, darkest place of me ” building up since about  page 105. To quote leading lady Anastasia Steele:

and another one :

And one more :

Her of the “breathtakingly on turning pig tails and “unworldly innocent” virginity who made it to the age of 24 without ever kissing a man. Despite the fact that she is a” beautiful natural brunette”  with perfect skin and  the ability to absent-mindedly chew her lower lip in such a way that Christian Grey wants to eat her. Alive. After he has smacked her pert little  behind for being such a naughty girl.


The truth is, “Fifty Shades” just doesn’t do it for me.

Maybe it’s the repetition of certain phrases.


“His pants are hanging off his hips in THAT way. I can see that he works out. “( what way might this be? Anyone? )

“Oh. My.”

“Holy. Shit.”

“Eat your dinner!”

“Keep still!”

“My hips start tilting.”

And last but not least there’s the widening and narrowing and darkening of the eyes.

“His eyes widen momentarily.”

“His eyes narrow momentarily.”

“His eyes darken MOMENTARILY.”

“Oh. My.”

Maybe it’s my strict Calvinistic upbringing. 16 Years of attending Sunday School.

Maybe it’s being interrupted constantly. It’s hard to concentrate on the climax literary build up of a scene when in between “he applies the nipple clamps” and “My hips start tilting” I have to control, bath and feed  two children under the age of five.

Maybe it’s the sheer deliberately chosen brainlessness of the woman.

So I’m sorry Mr Grey, SIR. I’m just not that into you.

It’s not me.

It’s you.


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17 thoughts on “GOODBYE MR GREY. It’s not me. It’s you.

  1. Hahahaaa!!My friends and I had this exact same conversation the other night!! “holy crap” and “oh my” are sooooooo irritating. And how many times did he pull her pony tail out and tug her hair so that she was forced to look back into his eyes or whatever. Blah!!!!!!

  2. Haven’t read it. Not going to read it. Your take makes me wonder what all the hype is about. Good grief.

  3. I so agree! Everybody is ranting and raving about…it shows that women are still desperate for a bad boy that only they can change. What is don’t get is, how can women call porn disgusting when this book has had the same effect on most women? A friend is now eagerly searching for her very own Mr Grey and she has a boyfriend!

  4. bipolarmoms on said:

    Lol! I’ve avoided reading this book because I’ve heard so much about how badly written it is – and I cringed when I read the extracts you’ve posted. Even though I didn’t have high expectations, I wouldn’t have believed it was possible for the author to make so much money (let alone any) out of this.

  5. I just can’t get myself to even pick this book up. Firstly, because of all the hype, and secondly, because of the writing. I have heard that its bad, but reading your little pieces here, well OH. MY. it makes me livid.

    And this person is now the best paid writer in the world? For this shit? Seriously?

    • That’s it exactly. How did this become the best seller that it has??? I’m Afrikaans speaking and even I can improve on the language! Fair enough, if you want to read this type of book, go ahead. There’s plenty out there. But I just don’t see how this specific one became the “it” book of 2012. ( or 2011…don’t remember 🙂

  6. I don’t think it’s meant to be literary classic like Wuthering Heights.

    It’s not to be taken seriously. We all know the writing is appalling.

    The genre is mommy porn. So banging, slamming, ripping off of clothes is the order of the day! E.G no-one watches Chick Flicks for the acting, you watch it for the romance, Matthew Mcconaughey’s abs, the possibility of it all…you get my picture?

    Just a bit of kinky fuckery on a lovely Spring Day!

  7. good to know! everybody is with this book in hands and I thought of buying. now-no thanks ! better read a cooking book.

  8. Die boek le nog in my inbox…. iewers gaan ek moet tyd maak om dit te lees. Sal maar sien wanneer 🙂
    Vir nou het ek boeke oor DRAGONS wat vir my wag en die laaste boek van Wheel of Time wat binne kort uitkom…. ek is regtig in ekstase daaroor! Fantasy Rules! 😀

  9. Rochelle on said:

    Jirre, jy’t verder as ek gevorder! Ek was al klaar verveeld en belangstelling verloor na hul eerste ontmoeting — waar sy hom moet interview.

  10. I rolled my eyes for most of the first book – if I was Ana there would be some permanent damage by now.

  11. reading7mandy on said:

    I have read all 3. The “Oh my” “Holy Shit” and her “inner goddess” dialogue continue. I couldn’t get into these books. I might have actually hated them. The hatred has nothing to do with the plot and everything to do with the extremely bad writing. The writing never improves.

  12. I agree with countesskaz! Though the third book a started finding mundane

  13. You convinced me! It sounds boring! Thanks!

  14. The first book is like that, very annoying and then the second book unfolds to a more…possibly enjoyable psycho analytical character to analyse. Finish the trilogy, I dare you. Then you can make a fair assessment.

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