When my son was about 2 years old we took him on a beach holiday. I spent the entire holiday screeching “Get down from the ledge! Get out of the fountain! Leave the cat alone! Do not touch the Royal Albert! ”
This is when I realised that there should be a “small children hazard potential ” grading system for holiday accommodation.
DGT : DON’T GO THERE :
This type of accommodation is located on a hill and thus has hundreds of steps taking you to ground level. The moment you step outside you have to cling to flimsy railings in order to not fall to your death before you can leave for the beach.
THIS IS A DGT. For obvious reasons.
Then there’s the PHG : PARENTAL HYSTERICS GUARANTEED :
This is the type of place where the patio/barbeque area is a hazard. Think “water feature”. A soothing fountain of running water/ swimming pool is exactly where your toddler will go every time you open the patio door . To get wet from head to toe. After being bathed and dressed for the night in his cute, clean pajamas.
This is a PHG. Drowning/ getting soaked potential. Every second of every day for your entire stay.
Then we get to the hired accommodation belonging to a sweet old lady with a love of Royal Albert tea sets and other delicate old lady ornaments. With pictures of the Queen and so. Displayed on every flat surface.
This type of accommodation should be graded RAA. Royal Albert Alert.
Here is an example of a RAA. Sense the Royal Albert?
Lastly we have the HFP. Heavy Falling Potential . Think balconies. Think cliffhangers. Think I-do-not-want-to-stay-here-even-if-you-pay-me.
Example of a HFP.
What you want is a SFT : SAFE FOR TODDLERS grading.
No Royal Albert. No hills . No slopes. No stairs.No ledges. No water feature. Flat extended grass area. In fact , HUGE piece of lawn for running/ riding/rolling around on while parents take in the view. Wine glass in hand.
This is IT. Your perfect SFT holiday home.
And there you have it.
( ps. If anyone had shown me this post Before Children it would have struck me as a tad paranoid-obsessive. Now it just strikes me as logical. Parenting toddlers tends to do that to a person.)