There is nothing like motherhood to get me muddling in a puddle of doubt. Come to think of it, it starts right at the moment those two lines appear on that little pregnancy test stick.
“How accurate are these tests? “ and “ Will this pregnancy go the distance?” and “What if I told the world and then I don’t make it past 12 weeks? ”
Then for 9 ( actually 10 ) months mixed in with the excitement is pure fear.
“Will we still see a heartbeat at the next scan? “
Time for the birth brings more excitement and with it more fear.
“Will my baby be ok ? “ At farmerboys’ birth he did cry ( like in the movies ) but he was crying through fluid. “Oh, no, HE’S DROWNING! “ is what I thought.
I waited for all those months to meet him and now he’s drowning!
Of course he was absolutely fine. But still.
And then we embark on the whoozy, sleepless first weeks of caring for a newborn baby. Me : “ Is he getting enough milk? “ and “ IS HE STILL BREATHING???”
And “ In all of my life I am never going to sleep again………….”
Then comes introduction to solids, immunization, milestones, the ever present “growth spurts” which is offered as the reason behind just about ANYTHING baby does differently.
And during and in spite of all the fretting baby actually makes it through. He starts to smile, he starts to sit up by himself, he starts to crawl and then walk and then proceeds to destroy the house………..”Is he NORMAL? “ Oijoijoi……………
Right now I’m obsessing over his social skills ( or lack thereof ). Living on a farm 45 minutes drive to the nearest town plus being the only Afrikaans family with small children for miles is not great if you want to teach your child not to bite little Johnnie’s ear because you want his toy truck….
Or that doing the “look-at-me-how-funny-I-can-be” over the top behaviour won’t exactly endear you to your peers. ( even just typing that makes me cringe for the sake of my child. Ai. )
He is of course much less phased about it all than me. He’s made it from those 2 blue lines to being potty trained, eating with a fork and speaking 3 languages. ( Afrikaans, English, Xhosa)
And he’ll “get” the social thing too.
Sooner or later. Or maybe never? And then he’ll become a lonely recluse living as a bum in Boggomsbaai and beg for a living at the one and only Stop sign and…..
BE QUIET MIND. TIME TO SHUT THE HELL UP.