….let there be shopping….

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MOTHERHOOD, Year 5 ( Truth or Dare)

I’ve been playing a game with my blog called “Now You See Her, Now You Don’t”. On the one hand it’s because our lives have settled like a cat on a comfy couch and on the other I feel as if I said all I wanted to say   about babyhood  with farmerboy!

Life in farmland has been toddling along comfortably with no major upheavals worth spreading the word about. Mostly.

As compulsively as I blogged about life with baby nr 1( more or less daily from when he was 19 months old till about the age of 3), so I find myself 17 months into the life of his sister not really convinced that a repeat of  solids issues/discipline issues/nappy contents issues/sleep issues/a lack of use of ears issues” is warranted.

Also, baby nr 2 has been infinitely easier right from the start. She eats, she poops, she sleeps, she giggles, she’s into hugs and kisses just like her mother. YAY!

She even kisses and hugs without me asking her first. DOUBLE YAY!!

So this “flash-in-the-pan” post is an attempt to put into words what 5 years of being a mother has been like. The truth and nothing but the truth so help me and so on. Just so that my subconscious and I can get on the same page again.


1. Farmerboy puzzles me. As he grows older he puzzles me more and more. ( he’s turning 5 on Thursday). I can never quite predict or fulfill his needs. It’s a scary place to be.

2. He is emotional to the extreme. Extreme happiness, extreme anger, extreme frustration, extreme sadness, extreme empathy. I’ve been told that he takes after me. (!) Which I denied of course. Vehemently, unequivocally and completely.

3. Babygirl and me “clicked” from the word go. I understand every single sound or gesture she makes instinctively and the 2 of us love just chilling together.

4. I love both my children. But I don’t connect with them equally.


1. I read glowing blog after glowing mommy blog after positive Facebook update after cute Twitter twitterings about the glories of motherhood. And then I think “But that’s not what it’s like, people! Get real and smell the Spur Burger for vreks sake!”

2. Sometimes I can’t wait to get a break from my own children. Sometimes I have to restrain myself from kissing the nanny when she arrives at 8h00 in the morning.

3. I feel guilty every single day of my life.

4. Sometimes when a glowing friend or celebrity or royal person declares “I’m pregnant!” I think “Hah! Just you wait Kate and Wills, just you wait!!” instead of “Oeee, congratulations! ” ( but then nannies are a given for them, aren’t they?)



That’s me for today. And tomorrow. And the day after that.

Until my children pay for my trip to Greece using their own money.

Right up until that day.

Shoot me.







Be Afraid. Be very afraid. ( But you can take our cushion )

( This post contains scenes and descriptions of a worrying nature. Do not read if you’ll be flying anywhere soon.)

Seen on Facebook :

There is good news this morning: Your Essential Travel Info airplane seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments – thanks Essential Travel Info team.”

Well, yes. Thank you an’ all. Will remember to take that free cushion…


I’m not a happy flyer.

And I don’t fly without at least three glasses of white swirling through my blood.

Without it I would not set foot on an aeroplane.

I don’t trust them. I don’t trust them during take-off and I don’t trust them in the air. And I don’t trust their ability to slow down to a standstill after landing so that I can get the hell out of there.


Over the years I have avoided flying wherever and whenever possible.

I’d rather sit in a Greyhound bus for 14 hours than sit in a 747  for 1 1/2 hours to get to the same destination.

I’ve been told that it’s because I’m a control freak. And that in order for me to feel safer in the air all I need to do is push my feet firmly into the aeroplane floor during turbulence.

( No. It doesn’t work. What works is alcohol. )

And saying Psalm 23 17 times over and over until we reach “flight height” and that little “ping” comes on to tell us we can now unfasten our seatbelts. ( And the drinks trolley is ready to come out. For more white. )

That’s another thing. I get the purpose of seatbelts in stopping a body propelling forward. But how is the seatbelt going to help me in the case of a body falling downward?

Ah. Yes.

That’s where the flotation cushion comes in….






What’s on your mind?………..

There’s a cloud.


What’s on your mind?………

There’s a wind blowing the cloud.


What’s on your mind?………….

Looks like rain!


What’s on your mind?………..

It’s not raining.


What’s on your mind?………….

It’s still not raining.


What’s on your mind?………….

It’s not going to rain.


What’s on your mind?………….

Farming sucks.


Got it now?

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