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Archive for the tag “Fifty Shades Of Grey”

GOODBYE MR GREY. It’s not me. It’s you.

I’m on page 195 of “Fifty Shades Of Grey”. ( yes. I’m behind that way.)

I’ve sensed a vague irritation ” inside the deepest, darkest place of me ” building up since about  page 105. To quote leading lady Anastasia Steele:

and another one :

And one more :

Her of the “breathtakingly on turning pig tails and “unworldly innocent” virginity who made it to the age of 24 without ever kissing a man. Despite the fact that she is a” beautiful natural brunette”  with perfect skin and  the ability to absent-mindedly chew her lower lip in such a way that Christian Grey wants to eat her. Alive. After he has smacked her pert little  behind for being such a naughty girl.


The truth is, “Fifty Shades” just doesn’t do it for me.

Maybe it’s the repetition of certain phrases.


“His pants are hanging off his hips in THAT way. I can see that he works out. “( what way might this be? Anyone? )

“Oh. My.”

“Holy. Shit.”

“Eat your dinner!”

“Keep still!”

“My hips start tilting.”

And last but not least there’s the widening and narrowing and darkening of the eyes.

“His eyes widen momentarily.”

“His eyes narrow momentarily.”

“His eyes darken MOMENTARILY.”

“Oh. My.”

Maybe it’s my strict Calvinistic upbringing. 16 Years of attending Sunday School.

Maybe it’s being interrupted constantly. It’s hard to concentrate on the climax literary build up of a scene when in between “he applies the nipple clamps” and “My hips start tilting” I have to control, bath and feed  two children under the age of five.

Maybe it’s the sheer deliberately chosen brainlessness of the woman.

So I’m sorry Mr Grey, SIR. I’m just not that into you.

It’s not me.

It’s you.



I’ve been resisting and resisting and resisting.

I have walked past “Fifty Shades” in book shops. I have ignored it on  book store websites.  I have even ignored people giving away the threesome box set of it on Facebook. Which says a lot given my joy in  interest in give aways on Facebook and the like.

See: )

But. Mr Grey has finally made his way into this house and into my reading hands. Compliments of neighbour lady.

I’m on page 22 and surprised. There’s been nothing “mommy pornish” so far.

So far it’s been a pleasant and easy read starting with a woman waking up on a bad hair day which I can totally relate to. Which made me like her. And which has made me read all the way to page 22 in between episodes of “SHE’S TOUCHING MY STUFF! ” and ” TAKE HER AWAY!” .  While the  father of the feuding watches the news with clear instructions that he “just wants to relax”.  ( in other words “It’s YOUR turn to child mind while I become an empty tracksuit on the couch” )

Whether or not I will get past page 22 is  open for debate.

I did skimread here and there and came upon “THE CONTRACT” on page 105 which to be honest scared the living motherhood out of me.

I  read it out of context though and who knows? By page 105 I might be totally happy with “THE CONTRACT”.

Just one last thought:

Lets say I get totally happy with Mr Grey and his doings. And all inspired and all that. ( neighbour lady said she did so I’m taking her word for it)

What will I do with my inspired self?

It’s shearing time on the farm which means one exhausted husband for the next 2 weeks. He’s on his feet for 8 hours a day classing the wool.

Plus he’s basically sleeping in our son’s bedroom more often than not as he gets called from there 5 times a night ” Daddy, come sleep with meeeee….”.

But I will keep you posted about Grey.

Watch this space.

“If You Go Down To The Woods Today

 You’re In For A Big Surprise”

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