CINDERELLA’S 11 COMMANDMENTS FOR FIGHTING FAIR IN MARRIAGE

THOU SHALT NOT start sentences with “YOU” or “YOUR MOTHER”.

THOU SHALT  start sentences with “I FEEL”.

THOU SHALT NOT give any directional instructions  ending with “OFF”.

THOU SHALT NOT use any words starting with the letters “F’, “P” or “B” . ( refer back to commandment 3 ).

THOU SHALT NOT throw the Royal Albert tea set for thou shalt regret it. ( refer back to commandment 1 ).

THOU SHALT yell into pillows and towels  so as not to alarm thy neighbour.

THOU SHALT NOT bring up old fights for every fight deserves a fresh start.

THOU SHALT NOT pack thy overnight bag for marriage is a commitment.

THOU SHALT NOT air thy dirty laundry in public for the public shall not forget.

THOU SHALT NOT throw thy glass slipper for no fight is worth it.

THOU SHALT look at this picture and remind thyself : NOBODY IS GOING TO WIN THIS ONE.

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HOW TO WRITE A SMASHING BLOG POST WHEN YOU’VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY and no time to say it in…

15 reasons why I like peanut butter.

1. I like peanut butter because it’s salty.

2. I like peanut butter because it’s crunchy.

3. I like that I can eat it straight from the tub.

4. It contains vit B.

5.It contains vit D.

6. Actually, it contains a lot of vitamins.

7.It’s sort of like fudge, but more healthy like.

8. It’s not as fattening as chocolate.

9.You get more value for less calories.

10. I like the way it compliments butter.

11. I like the shape of the jar. It’s homely.

12. I like the way it looks in the fridge. Inviting.

13. I like the way it fits in my left hand while I hold the spoon with my right hand. Not  heavy.

14. I like that you can get it smooth or with bits. Your choice.

15. I like that I can get 15 things to say about it.

Done.

WHAT TO DO WHEN HOUSTON LIFTS OFF

I hate to admit it, but the first thought that went through my
mind when the gynae exclaimed : ” It’s a BOY ! ” , was :

“OMW. I AM GOING TO HAVE A CHILD WITH A
WILLY….”

WHAT DOES ONE DO WITH A BABY – WILLY ???

HOW DO YOU PUT A NAPPY ON IT WITHOUT DOING LIFELONG DAMAGE ??

DO YOU BEND IT UPWARDS, DOWNWARDS, SIDEWAYS ??

WILL ALL THIS BENDING RESULT IN FUTURE DISFUNCTION OF SAID WILLY ?

AND, HEAVEN FORBID, WHAT DOES ONE DO WITH IT IF
IT …..WELL………RISES ??????

I am the eldest girl in an Afrikaans family of four girls. Growing
up, there was never a willy in sight. Willies ( ? ) were NOT SPOKEN
ABOUT. We went to Sunday school.

Image via Wikipedia

We did not like boys. Never mind
what was lurking inside their boxer shorts. Upon turning 12 , I was
given THAT book. You know, the one that says : ” WHAT EVERY GIRL
SHOULD KNOW “………..

 

This book had pictures. AND I REALLY, REALLY DID
NOT WANT TO KNOW. Those pictures were downright UGLY.

I wanted nothing to do with the matter.

But life happened as it tends to do, and things……..well, came
up…….and I ended up marrying and having a child and he happens to
have a willy.

SO WHAT HAVE I LEARNED ABOUT WILLIES ?

– I have learned that you turn them DOWNWARDS
in a nappy , because if you don’t you will re – dress your soaked
baby five times a night like I did before someone ( @@##&*&*&*&!!!
) told me.

– When your son discovers the delights of his having a willy ( it
happens sooner than you thought possible ) , you DO NOT MAKE A FUSS
AND YOU DO NOT LOOK SHOCKED. You smile sweetly and say
…….actually I don’t know ( yet ) what you say, but you make sure
to look like you are absolutely sharing in his joy………

– Upon the occurence of Willy rising while changing your boys’
nappy, you’d better move faster than lightning in order to cover
things up………..a wee is on it’s way and it doesn’t care what
you’re wearing.

– An ” up- risen ” willy can be covered with a nappy. It
will not break. There isn’t a bone in there.