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Archive for the tag “kids”

Perspective, Priorities,Prestik and Poo

In all honesty I’m not one to “take a deep breath and smell the roses”.

The words “settled ” and “routine” give me an intense urge to run. ( which is probably why I broke off my engagement to the farmer the first time and we ended up getting engaged twice. Having 2 rings was nice though… )

I tend to mentally tick things off and then look for “THE NEXT BIG THING”. Always looking for more, more, MORE…..surely there must be MORE???

So that up to now my life plan has progressed more or less  like this:

1. Get a degree. ( tick )

2. Get a job. ( tick )

3. Get thin. ( tick )

4. Find a husband ( tick )

5. Have a baby (tick)

5. Have a GIRL baby ( tick….lucky lucky lucky me! )

6. Study Journalism. ( tick )

7. Try to get into freelance writing. ( tick. sort of. )

8. Heck, why work for money when I could win the lotto? Or a huge Jackpot somewhere? And then we could go on luxury family holidays every 3 months and leave the farming stress behind us and I could spend weekends at a spa and have regular manicures and pedicures and hair extensions and who knows, maybe even a tummy tuck ??? ( tick for trying and not succeeding, who knew? )

Before you call the shallow police…I do sense the error of my shallow ways…

I had 2 sick children this week and 1 husband with the man flu.

Poo and puke has filled my days. Sticky hands and smelly feverish breaths through sleepless nights with worry knotting my stomach.

And oh, the relief to see they’re on the mend…to see the smiles return and the gradual brightening of the eyes…

Who needs the Lotto when you can have a slurpy wet kiss from your 14 month old daughter while your 4 year old son stands on your big toe with his leather shoe to also get in on the action?

There’s nothing like motherhood to keep your feet on the ground, stretch your coping mechanisms like Prestik  and turn your heart inside out is there?



In my book, “quick” is good. Mostly. In the case of take away food, service and root canals. NOT so much in marriage.


“Quick” in marriage becomes the norm when “before children” becomes “one child” and even more so when one child becomes “two children”.


Take your average Sunday at home.


We usually wake up with the best of intentions to have “a relaxed family day”.


We manage to get the house in some kind of order before heading out for lunch at the local. So far so good.


After lunch, we each get a turn to look after the kids while the other one gets a 30 minute nap.


At around 17h00 on a Sunday afternoon the kids are tired, it’s bath time, it’s “get-out-of-the-bath-NOW-or-else time”, it’s the time when every single toy my son  owns covers the diningroom carpet and he is whining his heart out over anything and everything.


It’s also most likely to be the time when  his father has had enough of giving warnings and resorts to some disciplinary action.


All well and fair. But still. Not ideal as foreplay.


Then we get to the time of refusing to go to sleep. BOTH children.


When all goes quiet at around 21h00 the last thing I’m in the mood for is getting all loved up.


I’m tired, I’m grumpy, I feel like a parental failure of note. Yet another exhausting Sunday behind me.


I take a bath. Practice some deep breathing.


Check both kids.


Yip. Still asleep.


OK. Maybe?




I close my eyes and try to get “in the mood”






Son-who-is-supposed-to-be-in-dreamland  from his room.


“Daddy” gets decent and goes to check.


Comes back.


OK. Let’s try again.


I close my eyes.







“Daddy” gets decent again and goes to check.


Comes back.








“Daddy” gets decent, goes to check, comes back, gets undecent and ……..





And this is where “quick” comes in.



“Daddy” gets “quick” and mommy gets a raw deal.




Marriage in a time of 2 kids under the age of 5.




Like I said.

DEAR 2012

I’m not sure I know what to do with you yet. I’ve been eyeing you out for 4 days now and nothing spectacular has happened so far.

I’ve lost no weight, I’ve had no fabulously spunky creative ideas and no one has offered me a job I actually want to get out of bed for.

What’s up with that?

I suspect that you need some reminders of what I want from you.

So here goes:

1. I need the ability to change my thoughts. An example of my cognitive errors in 2011 :

“If I just finish all  the chocolate now it won’t be there every day to trip up my weight loss efforts and then I’ll lose weight.”


2. I need the ability to stay calm when I’m expected to cook a dish that has  JUST ONE  seed of some weird vegetable plant as an ingredient.  That only grows in South Asia. Or New Delhi. Or some such place. And can only be found at a cafe  on the other side of town.

Yes. Christmas lunch 2011 at the in-laws. Where everybody had to make one PRESCRIBED dish. With ingredients I had never even heard of. So I made three bean salad. Three types of beans out of three cans. I wasn’t popular.

3. I need the ability to tolerate human behaviour. Human me and human others. But mostly human others. Male human others. OK. My husband. On his intolerant days. It’s complicated. But I’m sure you get it.

4. I need the ability to stay calm on Sunday afternoons. When it has rained all day and my son is climbing the curtains.

5. I need patience . For when my divorced sister-in-law comes to visit for entire weekends. With her dog. And her endless “titbits of advice for life”.  Which clearly didn’t work for her. As she’s now divorced. Which is something I’d love to point out to her. But won’t.

6.I need new opportunities. Inspiration. The broadening of my horizons. MONEY, OK? For doing something I love. Painting, eating, writing. Pick one. Or all.  Ok, if it has to be just one, please pick writing.

Come to think of it, if you could just do nr 6, I’d be more than happy.



( I’ve just had a piece of Christmas cake. Because there’s still cake and Christmas is long gone. It’s not right to still have Christmas cake in the fridge on the 5 th of January. So I ate it. It doesn’t count, right? Refer back to point nr 1 . )


My son once stood up on a bench in church and asked : “So where IS Jesus?”  Loudly.  He was around 2 years old at the time. The service wasn’t quite the same after that…

Now that he’s almost 4,  he’s still not buying anything remotely church related.

In preparation for Christmas :

“You know what Christmas is really about, right? We’re celebrating the birthday of Jesus? ”

“No….it’s MY birthday. I’m getting a present. You said I’m getting a present! ”

“Yes, you’re getting a present. But it’s really the birthday of Jesus. And we’re happy and thankful that He came down to earth and that He loves us and watches over us.”

“NO. IT’S MY BIRTHDAY! I’m getting a present! It’s there by the tree!”

“Yes, it is.  But you know that Jesus loves us, right ? And that He made everything? The trees and the flowers and the grass and the sun…..”


Looking at the trees and the flowers and the grass and the sun with deep concentration.

“So, who made everything? ” Thinking that the penny has dropped.









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