CINDERELLA TRIPPIN'

….let there be shopping….

Archive for the tag “Parent”

FEEL THE FEAR AND DROP OFF THE CHILD AT PLAYSCHOOL ANYWAY


 

English: Group of children in a primary school...

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7 DAYS BEFORE DROP OFF

1. THE LUNCHBOX

Assertive-yet-laid-back look ( green plastic ) . Check.

Child able to unzip backpack to get to lunchbox. Check.

Child able to get lunchbox out of backpack. Check.

Child able to open lunchbox. Check.

Child able to look pleased with contents of lunchbox confirming good parenting. Unknown. DAMN.

2. THE OUTFIT ( CHILD )

Easy pull- off pull- on underpants slightly too big so that child does not walk around school showing willy after going to the loo indicating bad BAD parenting. Check.

Neutrally cool looking pants. Check.

I-fit-in-yet-I’m-slightly-individual-T-shirt. Check.

Good-for-growing-feet-shoes indicating good parents with a good enough mutual gross income. Check.

3. THE OUTFIT ( MOTHER-DROPPER-OFFER )

Not yet confirmed.

4. SUDDEN UNSTOPPABLE SCRUTINIZING OF CHILD AND HIS MANNERS/LACK THEREOF

CHECK.

 

24 HOURS BEFORE DROP OFF

 

1. OUTFIT ( MOTHER-DROPPER-OFFER )

Control underpants. Check.

Purple cowlneck top indicating dignity and style. Check.

Black bootleg pants because was there ever any other working style? Check.

Earrings bought at Art shop indicating individuality and creative talent. Check.

Sunglasses indicating adequate gross income. Check.

2. SUPPLIES

2 rolls of toiletpaper. Check.

2 bars of soap. Check.

1 ream of drawing paper. Check.

1 bottle of washing up liquid. Check.

1 box of tissues. Check.

1 whiteboard marker. Check.

3.DOCUMENTATION

Immunization card, birth certificate, marriage certificate, ID. Check.

10 MINUTES BEFORE DROP OFF

Panicky all -over checking of child/backpack/lunchbox/outfit/supplies. Check.

Panicky last minute attempt at installing valuable life skills. Check.

Panicky attempt at not looking panicky. Check.

 

DROP OFF

DON SUNGLASSES.

SMILE and WAVE.

SWEAR UNDER BREATH.

 

 

 

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Going On Holiday With Little People : Your Best Ever Accommodation and Sanity Guide


When my son was about 2 years old we took him on a beach holiday. I spent the entire holiday screeching “Get down from the ledge!  Get out of the fountain! Leave the cat alone! Do not touch the Royal Albert! ”

This is when I realised that there should be a  “small children hazard potential ” grading system for holiday accommodation.

DGT : DON’T GO THERE :

This type of accommodation is located on a hill and thus has hundreds of steps taking you to ground level. The moment you step outside you have to cling to flimsy railings in order to not fall to your death before you can leave for the beach.

THIS IS A DGT. For obvious reasons.

 

Then there’s the PHG : PARENTAL HYSTERICS GUARANTEED :

This is the type of place where the patio/barbeque area is a hazard.  Think “water feature”.  A soothing fountain of running water/ swimming pool  is exactly where your toddler will go every time you open the patio door . To get wet from head to toe.  After being bathed and dressed for the night in his cute, clean  pajamas.

This is a PHG. Drowning/ getting soaked potential. Every second of every day for your entire stay.

 

Then we get to the hired accommodation belonging to a sweet old lady with a love of Royal Albert tea sets and other delicate old lady ornaments. With pictures of the Queen and so.  Displayed on every flat surface.

This type of accommodation should be graded RAA. Royal Albert Alert.

Here is an example of a RAA. Sense the Royal Albert?

 

Lastly we have the HFP. Heavy Falling Potential . Think balconies. Think cliffhangers. Think I-do-not-want-to-stay-here-even-if-you-pay-me.

Example of a HFP.

 

 

What you want is a SFT : SAFE FOR TODDLERS grading.

No Royal Albert.  No hills . No slopes. No stairs.No ledges. No water feature.  Flat extended grass area. In fact , HUGE piece of lawn for running/ riding/rolling around on while parents take in the view. Wine glass in hand.

This is IT. Your perfect SFT holiday home.

And there you have it.

Simple really.

( ps. If anyone had shown me this post Before Children it would have struck me as a tad paranoid-obsessive. Now it just strikes me as logical. Parenting toddlers tends to do that to a person.)

THAT SONOFABITCH


"Teacher Appreciation" featured phot...

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This one comes compliments of sis M up in Jhb ( the very clever and efficient travel agent ……….if I can’t boast about my family on my blog then where can I ??? 🙂

A little boy was doing his maths homework.
He said to himself, “Two plus five, the son of a b!tch is seven.
Three plus six, the son of a b!tch is nine…”
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?”
The little boy answered, “I’m doing my maths homework, Mom.”

“And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked.
“Yes,” he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What are you teaching my son in maths?”
The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.”
The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the Son Of a b!tch is four?”
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,

“What I taught  them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”

7 THINGS THAT EVENTUALLY DID PASS….revisited


In the 4 years of my son’s life I have spent many a sleepless night and swallowed many an anti-depressant over issues that eventually passed. If anyone at the time told me that though, I would have nodded politely and continued the worrying . ( read : panic )

Mindblowing and unbelievable as it seems to me now, these are the things we have left behind:

1. Throwing visitors with apples from the fruit bowl.

2. Stealing cellphones from restaurant tables. Generally destroying table settings in restaurants by grabbing table cloths.

3. Weeing anywhere and everywhere including behind the one and only potplant in the Cathcart Library while the horrified librarian watched.( potty training at age 2 )

4. Throwing anything and everything over the braai deck railing.

5.Spending kiddies parties inside the house of the birthday child checking out their plugs instead of actually joining the party outside. ( age 1 -ish)

6.Lying flat on his stomach by the bathroom door to spy on his father on the loo. ( see image below this post )

7.Emptying cupboards and bookshelves and filling whole rooms with “stuff” on the floor. ( age 1 )

The point is : everything eventually passes.

There is hope even though you don’t see it yet, dear crazed-parent-of-a-toddler.

                                                                              WHATCHA DOING IN THERE ?

( which means the current yelling and screaming over the TV remote will pass…and the “Take her away from my stuff! ” screeches when baby sister touches his toys…and the “I don’t want cooldrink in THAT glass. I want it in the little green glass with the yellow flower ooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!! “…….)

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